I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
