I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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