So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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