I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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