If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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