he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Text me some of your sweat
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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