Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
