girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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