But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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