I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
