made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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