dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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