he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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