I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
