you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
