I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
