I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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