girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
