You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
