Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the day after is always just damage control
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
