is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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