Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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