She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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