an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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