I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
