im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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