It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
PANTIES FOUND
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
