Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just invented taco cereal.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
