just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
