Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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