ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
