So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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