today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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