I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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