all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
