did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
