I hate your face
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
