No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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