I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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