How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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