your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
