The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
