But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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