new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
last night I used snow as a chaser
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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