I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
