there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
