God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
