I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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