capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
the liver wants what the liver wants
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
