your thong is hanging out like whoa
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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